Praying for Sleep

Well, we made it through another day! I decided to talk with my doctor about the anxiety and panic and slight depression I've been having. Turns out I'm not crazy! He thinks that the anesthesia from the surgery messed up my dopamine levels and it can easily be fixed by actually taking the Ritalin that I had been prescribed for my ADD that I rarely take. How crazy is that? He also gave me some medicine to help me sleep since it seems that most of my panic comes at night when I actually have time to think. Also, I finally got Cass a prescription for his nasty toenail fungus that he has had forever that totally grosses me out! Hopefully he'll stick with this one long enough to clear that mess up. Especially before our beach trip this summer.

We took Eden for her first walk up the road today. She was so excited and kept trying to run to keep up with Easton, but she's not quite ready for that. It was a strange moment for me because right after we bought this house in April of 2007 we walked down the road with Easton very much the same way...holding his hand while he took wobbly steps and kept bending down to touch the road. Now he runs ahead of us and yells to everyone and everything he sees! My baby boy is growing up so fast. Eden is, too! I love the stage that they are in now. Easton is always excited for Eden to do something new and she thinks the sun rises and sets on "Bubby"! She even actually said juice today when she wanted hers because Easton was drinking some! I always listened when people told me to enjoy them as babies because they grow so fast, but I never imagined it would be like this! It's almost like you don't have time to process what they are doing at the current stage they are in but it all comes back to you later and and then I feel guilty that I didn't enjoy it as much at the time as I think I SHOULD have. I have a lot of guilt as a mother...don't know why. I just always feel that I should have more to give, more time, more money, more hugs & kisses, more patience...but at the same time I am proud of some of the things that I do as a mother and wife. I try to make it a priority that they have healthy, home-cooked meals, that we sit down together and discuss our days as we eat, that they read and enjoy books, and that they respect others. So what if my kids LOVE to be nude more than any other children I've ever met? Or that Easton can make up the biggest, best, and funniest stories (aka fibs) ever? (maybe he'll be an author) Or that Eden can go from sweet, loving baby to drama queen having a serious tantrum in seconds? I love them and they are mine! I grew them from a seed that was planted in me by God years and years ago and was blessed enough to have been chosen to be their mother. :o)

I'm loving motherhood today. It was a good day. No one had a major breakdown until bedtime and then they all finally went to sleep! Which is where I'm headed now. That pill that is supposed to make me sleep is kicking in! Yay!

Peace & Love Y'all!

Wow~over a month since my last blog

So much has happened in the last month. I had a wonderful massage from a wonderful person, who just so happens to be my husband's girlfriend...haha...not really! I went on a tiny retail therapy binge which I think ticked off Cass, but he was nice and NEVER said anything! Love him! And I had surgery to repair 2 hernias that I had acquired during my pregnancies. Which, of course, was the biggest event of the month. I went in for surgery on the 25th of Feb, which was really not a big deal. I remember this funny guy transporting me into the room for surgery and some man telling me to breathe deeply and then I was at home! Ha! Gotta love those drugs! Then I stayed home-which I loved! And now I'm antisocial b/c I loved being at home by myself all that time.
So, today I'm back at work. Still in pain, but I've gotta get the bills paid and get some stuff done here so everyone else that works here can pay their bills, too!
But, with all this going on I feel like I've gotten lost somewhere. I'm not as happy as I was. Almost like that surgeon removed part of my soul. I feel empty at times...which should not be how it is. I know that I am blessed with so much, but I still feel like I am lacking something. Maybe it's my lack of human contact. Hopefully that will get better with my return to the office.

On a better note: Eden started walking this weekend!! She is so cute, too! She's so proud of herself and I love how Easton is so excited for her to "be big"! Kids are the best! Easton was such a trouble-maker this weekend. He was just crazy on Saturday, then Sunday he woke me up playing with my phone. I think he sent a few crazy texts...who knows?? Then he decided to wear big boy "undawear" and we went outside and he squatted and peed in the carport and then announced to everyone (including the new neighbor) that he peed in his undawear! And after he got in trouble at dinner for throwing a fit for "yogret" before he ate his dinner and got sent to his room, he snuck out and got the remote to the TV (OH-we got Direct TV, too!) and did something to the satellite that it took us forever to figure out!! Thank GOD we got it fixed b/c it was Desperate Housewives night and I was definitely feeling like a desperate housewife!

So....maybe my blogs will be more frequent. Maybe I will remember things to put on here. Ahhh...I can use my fancy new phone (that I forgot to mention that I also got this month) and send myself reminders to blog! :o)

Peace & Love Y'all!